I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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