I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize