How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
