I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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