yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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