I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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