My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
