He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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