I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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