i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
