she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
