when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
