If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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