my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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