watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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