I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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