did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
