Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
