All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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