Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
