I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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