i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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