I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
