Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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