can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize