My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
