Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I love you. Go after that dick
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
