Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
