I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
