its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize