On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
