omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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