..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
