i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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