I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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