He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
