Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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