Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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