yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize