there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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