My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
