I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
