She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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