There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
