I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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