Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
