why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
someone get that fucking seahorse.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Are we still banned from the library?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
