Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
