I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
