You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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