i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize