hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
