Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
