That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
