I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I want a musical about memes.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize