I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
