she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
