As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
