It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
