after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
