walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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