I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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