The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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