He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize