We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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