I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
