So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
