I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
