I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Four minutes until I can fart!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize