Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
