i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
