using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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