I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
