3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
