I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
