he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You ate ashes out of my bong
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
