I love black thongs
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
