Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
