i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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