cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize