I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
