Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
