Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
