I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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