I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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