Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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