I am in a vortex of obligation.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
