If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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