i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
