Yo dont text me then not text me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
