allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
