Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize