i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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