she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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