I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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