I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
