I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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