Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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