Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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