hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
