Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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