i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
