just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
