I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
