I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
