I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
