Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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