So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Girls should come with a carfax report
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize